God, I'm just not sure You are worth it...

 

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters."

Psalm 18:16

I'm probably a little behind on the reading in Crazy Love.


Why haven't I been reading?  Well, I have been pretty busy...but honestly I've also been pretty convicted and avoiding that little red book.


I'm still sitting the the whole LUKEWARM christianity thing.  Are you?  Ugh...it's so hard to face that.


And to top it off, today I'm reading through Chapter 5, "Serving Leftovers to a Holy God."


There's a section on pages 96 and 97 that was quite difficult to read through.  In fact, those pages are just sitting open on my desk.  It's got me kind of tied up.  On page 97 Chan is talking about following Jesus. He says,  "We say to the Creator...'Well, I'm not sure You are worth it...You see, I really like my car, or my little sin habit, or my money, and I'm really not sure I want to give them up, even if it means I get You.' "


It's hard to read those words and remember what Paul write in Romans 8:1, "that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."


It's hard for me to process these two concepts.  


I'm struggling to wrap my brain around the fact that God loves me so much, He won't and shouldn't settle for my leftovers.  That I actually spend mental and physical energy and worry dwelling on thoughts that are not about Him.  


I spend large portions of my day thinking of the weather, money, my husband, my children, my parents, my friends...and then I'll throw a bit of God into the mix to myself feel better.  To give myself peace.  That is so terribly prideful I'm shocked at myself.  But I shouldn't be shocked at how God could look at my efforts and actually see them as rubbish.


Yet, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.  Jesus loved me enough...even though He knew how I would turn out, and how I would ignore Him time and time again...He loved me enough to die on a cross for me thousands of years before I was even a blip on his proverbial radar.


Grace covers me because of Jesus.  Grace is plentiful all over me because of Jesus...and I spend so little time and energy acknowledging this fact.


Oh Lord, I thank you for conviction.  I thank you for the love you have for me, love that is perfect and without blemish.  Love that is patient and kind and so crazy gracious that even when I offer up my leftovers and I don't want to give up my selfish, prideful ways...you wait for me.  How could I ever wonder if you're worth it?


That's some Crazy Love...and I adore you for it Father.  I'm so grateful he is continually reaching for me...and draws me from the deep waters.