Interesting read by my blogging buddy Kent Robert:
How To Bring Out a Christian
Introvert? (Answer: Don’t!)
Not long ago I was involved in a church leadership meeting
on how to effectively build up a home group (or a discipleship group) and make them more
interesting and dynamic. One of the
points raised was how to “bring out” some of the more shy or reserved of the
home group members; to get them more involved and more “bought in” to the
discussion. As a natural born introvert,
that struck me a little sideways. After
all, I can easily see the introverted side of Jesus all through the
gospels. Sure, Jesus spent plenty of
time amidst the crowds—healing the sick, ministering to the lost, rebuking the
insolent. Still, how often do we read
that Jesus went “by himself to pray'? (Matthew 14:23, 26:39, Mark 6:46, and
others)
So, I decided to ask around within the introvert community.
(don’t bother looking for us—we know you’re looking. Our location is secret. We neither want to nor care to be found. That’s why it’s secret.) The following is the general consensus on
trying to bring us out and involve us in the conversation.
Stop it!
Now, for the benefit of the agape-mouthed extroverts out
there, I’ll expand a little bit. Better
yet, I’m going to let my friend and fellow introvert, J.S. Park from the blog site The Way Everlasting, expand for me:
“If you ever met me, you would think I was an extrovert — I
preach, I lead praise, I talk to everyone, I talk too much, and you can hear me
laughing from across the street — but I am a full-blooded introvert.
If it were up to me, I’d rather be in my boxers all day
eating Godiva while browsing food photo blogs and bothering my dog and cracking
up at YouTube videos of Whose Line Is It Anyway and
leaving dry ironic comments all over Facebook while reading the latest theory
on how Sherlock survived the second season finale.
I intensely guard my personal space and my private
life. It takes a herculean effort to step outside my comfort zone and
interact with messy, fleshy, real live human beings. Here’s a little advice on how to handle us
1) In a small group or Bible study or cell meeting, do
NOT make us talk.
Introverts are much more methodical and tend to process
things. In a group discussion, our silence doesn’t mean we’re not
listening. We’re just trying to fit the pieces together in our own
head. We aim to be thoughtful and deliberate. Please be sensitive
to our secret mind palace. We’ll talk when we dang well feel like it.
2) Please do NOT bring a lot of attention to us.
Not in the church bulletin, not the church site, not for my
birthdays, not for that nice thing I did for the homeless — just please, no
spotlight.
3) Sometimes we’re just moody. It’s not depression
or a “spiritual attack” or “unconfessed sin.”
One word: space. Three more words: Lots of
it.
4) Do not ever rebuke us in public.
Or you and I are done. Forever. You should never do
this anyway.
5) We don’t always know what to say, but we still care
about you.
We use fewer words and we don’t always use them well, but if
we chose to spend this time with you, that means we care.
6) Extroverts: be patient in conversation and don’t treat
my every word like your personal victory.
Extroverts, it’s okay if you monopolize the
conversation. We do like to listen. But please don’t treat us like
your personal project with a precious pearl inside. And don’t try to
squeeze out my life story as if you’re trying to save us. Earn trust by
being a friend first. Unlike extroverts, we’re not good at being best
friends on the first day.
7) Fellow introverts: find us quickly.
See me standing awkwardly on the side of the sanctuary
watching everyone else have fun? Hurry up and find me so we can make
amusing sarcastic comments about life and possibly grow a lifelong spiritual
bond that these extroverts can’t understand.
8) We get super-tired around a lot of people.
My limit is about four hours, and then I actually get a
headache from just hanging around human beings. My Sabbath rest is
leave-me-alone-time with my non-judgmental dog. Give us that time without
trying to counsel us about it.
9) When life gets hard, you don’t have to say
anything. Just be there.
Sometimes we just get totally flustered and want to give up:
but that’s not the time for lectures or theology or super-awesome advice.
Bring a movie or something; bake a cake; bring cookies. Be there for the
meltdown and we’ll eventually ask for the wisdom. We very much treasure
your scalpel-like gentleness with us.
10) When we get hyper, we are weird and corny and loud
and awkward — so be ready for that and embrace it.
On the third day of a church retreat or when it’s five in
the morning at a lock-in, the inner-beast might be unleashed. But it’s
not very cool and calculated and witty like an extrovert. It’s all kinds
of nerdy and neurotic with a shaky voice and twitchy flailing, as if we’re
learning to use our bodies for the first time: and in a sense, we are.
When that happens, please don’t humiliate us. Roll
with it, laugh with us, and endure our horrible dance moves and bad
impressions.
If you do, we are loyal to you for life.
If you Extroverts out there want to learn a little more
about us, or for Introverts who want to learn more about themselves and their
kin, there is an excellent book on the subject:
Introverts
In The Church by Adam McHugh.
