God, I'm just not sure You are worth it...

 

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters."

Psalm 18:16

I'm probably a little behind on the reading in Crazy Love.


Why haven't I been reading?  Well, I have been pretty busy...but honestly I've also been pretty convicted and avoiding that little red book.


I'm still sitting the the whole LUKEWARM christianity thing.  Are you?  Ugh...it's so hard to face that.


And to top it off, today I'm reading through Chapter 5, "Serving Leftovers to a Holy God."


There's a section on pages 96 and 97 that was quite difficult to read through.  In fact, those pages are just sitting open on my desk.  It's got me kind of tied up.  On page 97 Chan is talking about following Jesus. He says,  "We say to the Creator...'Well, I'm not sure You are worth it...You see, I really like my car, or my little sin habit, or my money, and I'm really not sure I want to give them up, even if it means I get You.' "


It's hard to read those words and remember what Paul write in Romans 8:1, "that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."


It's hard for me to process these two concepts.  


I'm struggling to wrap my brain around the fact that God loves me so much, He won't and shouldn't settle for my leftovers.  That I actually spend mental and physical energy and worry dwelling on thoughts that are not about Him.  


I spend large portions of my day thinking of the weather, money, my husband, my children, my parents, my friends...and then I'll throw a bit of God into the mix to myself feel better.  To give myself peace.  That is so terribly prideful I'm shocked at myself.  But I shouldn't be shocked at how God could look at my efforts and actually see them as rubbish.


Yet, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.  Jesus loved me enough...even though He knew how I would turn out, and how I would ignore Him time and time again...He loved me enough to die on a cross for me thousands of years before I was even a blip on his proverbial radar.


Grace covers me because of Jesus.  Grace is plentiful all over me because of Jesus...and I spend so little time and energy acknowledging this fact.


Oh Lord, I thank you for conviction.  I thank you for the love you have for me, love that is perfect and without blemish.  Love that is patient and kind and so crazy gracious that even when I offer up my leftovers and I don't want to give up my selfish, prideful ways...you wait for me.  How could I ever wonder if you're worth it?


That's some Crazy Love...and I adore you for it Father.  I'm so grateful he is continually reaching for me...and draws me from the deep waters.

Ugh...Lukewarm People...

So, chapter four of Crazy Love was pretty tough to get through.


Did it bother anyone else to see it written as "LUKEWARM PEOPLE"...in all capital letters?  It made quite a statement at the beginning of each paragraph and was really difficult for me to read over and over again.  To think that the LUKEWARM person is one who's lost it's saltiness.  "Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?  It is fit neither for the soil nor the manure pile; it is thrown out." Luke 14:34-35


To not be suitable to be used, to not be able to help produce fruit as Jesus would have me do just breaks my heart.  


Am I LUKEWARM?


I don't want to be LUKEWARM...I don't even want to consider myself in that category.  


But as it said in 2 Corinthians 13:5, "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in faith; test yourselves.  Do you realize that Christ Jesus is in you-unless, of course, you fail the test?"


There was a line at the bottom of page 78 of Crazy Love,  "The truth is, their lives wouldn't look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God."


Have you ever thought about that question before?  


Does Christianity just look like a happy face I put on each day.  I don't swear or chew or hang with girls that do? (sorry, couldn't help myself... =D)


I keep thinking of what my life would look like if I just stopped believing in God...I don't know how I would actually do that, but would it really look different?  Would I just look like a nice person who does the right thing most of the time?  


I want to look like a true follower of Jesus.  I want to be salty, full of flavor and life and risk in God's name.  


How are you feeling with the LUKEWARM litmus test?  














  

Oh boy...I need to get over me...

This second posting in the Crazy Love series is all about...well, me...or you, however you would prefer to see it.


God loves me.


He totally loves me.


He absolutely, without a doubt, no excuses....LOVES ME.


Why do I walk around as if He doesn't?


I completely resonated with some of the concepts in the third chapter of Crazy Love.  He spent some time talking about his relationship with his dad.  In examining my own life, I don't have a bad relationship with my dad, in fact, on all accounts my dad and I are pretty good.  But there was one line that struck me, Chan said: "I tried hard not to annoy God with my sin or upset Him with my little problems.  I had no aspiration of being wanted by God; I was just happy not to be hated or hurt by Him." (p.54)


Does that concept hit home with anyone else?  It can't just be me...


So much of my time with my Heavenly Father I spend thinking about confessing all the things I've done wrong, just so I can stay in His good graces...and then I always throw in the "cover prayer" (as I like to call it) and I say, "Lord, please forgive me for the things I've done that I'm completely unaware of..."  It's the little thing I toss on top, like the cherry on top of my hot fudge sundae offering....


Confession is crucial for a healthy relationship with God, but I spend very little time thinking of His love.  Jesus said the two greatest commands were to love God and love others as yourself....I'm not spending a whole lot of time loving God...I just want to avoid trouble.  When I really put it down on paper it sounds totally ridiculous.  Of course I'm not in trouble with God - I'm clean!  I'm justified through Jesus! So, why do I walk around carrying an entirely different attitude?


I don't know about you...but I'm ready to shed off that old me, and put on some new me.  Spend more time loving God and loving others as I love myself.  I desire to be wanted by God...because I am!  I am loved truly and deeply by God, not just because I try to do right by Him...but because He has made me right for Him...and He made me right because of Jesus....now that's some Crazy Love right there!   


Oh, Father I truly adore you so much...and I know that you adore me too.  Help me (hence the photo attached to this posting) to walk around in the truth that I am fully known and loved by you...and let my heart and attitude in everything reflect Your precious love.

God's in Crazy Love with me...

So, here's the first blog post for Crazy Love.

What do you think of the book so far?

I, for one, am diggin' the book.  It's hitting me right between the eyes this week.  

There's a few paragraphs in the second chapter I'm stewing on...the stuff on stress and worry.  Did that get to anyone else?

I'm a wife, a mom, a small group coach and leader, and I work for this amazing church, so does my husband...I've got stuff on my plate!  Some stuff I'm stressing over; there are things I want to go "just right."  And I justify being a little crazy and exhausted and worried because I'm doing God's work...as if God couldn't do it without me.

OUCH!

It's not that I consciously think that God couldn't do the work without me, if I stopped long enough to really think about it I would see the complete ridiculousness of this statement...God does not, in any way, need me to get His work done....but He's using me to get His work done.  

He's allowing me to do the good things that He set out before me a long, long time ago...why on earth do I worry and stress about how to get His work done, when He's the one in control.  God is loving and worthy of my trust, why on earth can't I stop and remember that as the panic and worry starts to set in.  

Oh, Lord!  Help me to remember how big you are and how much you love your people...how much you love me...and even if I fail, your will can still be accomplished.

Curious how you're doing with Crazy Love so far...