The Grumbling...

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing so that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation... " 

-Phil. 2: 14-15

My son is seven.  I think I've mentioned this before.


He's sweet as pie, loves wrestling, debating, Scooby Doo, and all super heroes.  And he's serious when it comes to God.  Sometimes I worry he's too serious.


As for me, I'm a pretty joyful person; always looking for the silver lining on any cloud.  I'm a bit of a 'Pollyanna'... and my son can be quite the 'Eeyore'. (if that helps)


This past week was pretty tight for us financially.  I got to the last few days of the week, knowing payday was on Friday and was doing my absolute best to wisely budget the last $12 in my wallet, and my son knows this.


I'm heading to the grocery store to get two ingredients for a potluck I have the next day at work.  I'm in the middle of giving the kids the, "don't ask for anything in the store because I'm going to say no" speech, when my son interrupts me and says, "Can we go to Burger King?"


"No, we can't go to Burger King, I just don't have the money right now."


"Well, can I get a toy?"


"No, I don't have the money right now...I can only get a couple of ingredients for something I'm making for work tommorrow...please don't ask me for anything extra, I just can't give it to you today."


His response: "So, I don't get Burger King, I don't get a toy, AND I have to go into the store with you to get food I don't even get to eat!"


My response, "Yes."


His response, "This is so unfair."


And my mind starts reeling.  I'm thinking of all the things we've done lately...games, clothes, food, bounce houses, parties, candy, time with friends, toys, a warm house, clean water, health insurance...and then I stop.  


I can hear how I'm grumbling to God about my son.


Grumbling is "to complain in a surly manner; mutter discontedly."  While I wasn't doing it out loud, I was doing it in my heart.  


My words to my son were something along the lines of, "Well, buddy, we have gas in the car, a warm house, food on the table, water to drink and air to breath...sounds like God has given us exactly what we need for today, and that's still probably more than we deserve."  And we headed into the grocery store; I was somewhat relieved to stop arguing with my son...but still grumbling about his attitude, not out loud, but certainly in my heart.


Me...I was grumbling about my son's grumbling.  


The Isrealites grumbled.  God let them wander in the desert for a while.


I get the sense God doesn't like grumbling.  What's worse is when I think about it, my thought process is all about grumbling about my son...a person I begged God for over eight years ago.  God gave me one of the greatest blessings of my life, and here I am grumbling about him.  Grumbling is discontentment.  Grumbling is to be unsatisfied with what you've been given.


To sit face to face with my hypocritical attitude is terrible.  I don't even want to glance at the heap of stinking flesh with which I am attempting to seperate myself.


Jesus got upset with hypocrites.  Those people who pretended to be what they were not.  


So, here I am.  All stinky and fleshy and thoroughly disgusted...and the Pollyanna attitude God instilled in me is starting to emerge.  I know God's grace has to be sufficient for me, otherwise I might crumple under the realization of my wrong.  


I've grumbled to God about my grumbling precious boy...and now I have a glimpse of an idea of how to give grace to my boy, because it's the grace God has given me.  


I'm so sorry for my grumbling Lord.  Thank you Father, for my precious boy.  For all of his personality and wit, his humor and fight, his love and anger...and thank you for teaching me grace...so I can attempt to teach it to him.




H :)