I'm not done.

This post was written several weeks ago...and while some of my passion, emotion and heartache may have been reduced from boiling point to a low simmer, the heart of the message is still ringing true.  

At the time it happened, it resembled something at the end of the movie It's a Wonderful Life, as if I'd just found Zuzu's petals in my pocket...I wanted anyone and everyone to know what God had revealed.

In the days and weeks following my mountaintop moment of realization, the excitement began to fizzle...and I stepped back into the mundane and the "soup" of day to day life.  I had to figure out what it looked like to walk out my moment of clarity, when all the zeal had fallen out of my experience.  So, I've had to adjust my attitude, and check my heart, it is, after all, where God seems to place a lot of concern.

So, with that thought, I give you the following post, and the recollection that "I'm not done."

The test of mountain-top experiences, of mysticism, of visions of God and of solitariness
 is when you are "in the soup" of actual circumstances.

- Oswald Chambers, Shade of His Hand

Yes, my obsession with the literary paintings of Oswald Chambers continues, the above quote appears in the pages of his final message on the book of Ecclesiastes. 

Have you ever heard God's voice?  

The voice of the Bridegroom.  

The voice of Jesus.

I'm not crazy or anything...I don't hear voices.  

But...I'm wondering if you have ever experienced one of those mountaintop moments when He finds a way to communicate, as C.S. Lewis says, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

Shall I quote another famous, poetic, ancient Christian?  Some Tolkein could appear later, possibly some Chesterton (I like his spunky attitude) keep your eyes posted. =)

Truthfully though, I admire the words of those men.  

Their wisdom, honesty, introspection and persistent curiosity for their journey with the gospel has challenged me in so many ways.  Some of the most treasured relationships I have developed with Jesus began with the musings of these long ago men, and many a night I have thanked God for using them to further His kingdom.

Just days ago I sat up through the night, burdened heavily with a circumstance.  

It seems as though over the years "circumstances beyond my control" have become some of the most difficult, aggravatingly pokey thorns in my side.  They dig in and take root in my flesh and have the ability to make me act out in ways I later regret.

The circumstances I wrestled that night had been dealt with before.  And while the details aren't necessary to share, I know my attitude and heart is important to reveal.  

I sat in my living room in the late hours of the night, crying in frustration and struggling to trust God...and a few of His children.  

At one point I muttered, "I'm done being in this situation, Lord.  It's unfair and I'm. Just. Done."

And somewhere in the darkness I knew He called me.  

As I sat curled up on the couch cushions I pictured the Bridegroom.  I imagined Jesus listening earnestly in the chair nearest me and He leaned in close.  

His gaze was gentle, his palms rested on his knees, and I found my eyes drawn to the gaping holes in his hands representing my own death and transgressions.

He appeared close and whispered, "tell me my girl, tell me how it's unfair..." and I knew He meant it.

That's the moment that broke me, when I found myself clinging to my selfish desires and tossing them at my savior as if He couldn't possibly understand...and I discovered myself completely humbled by His love in all my ridiculous frustration.

I fell asleep that night asking for Him to give me His heart.  I nodded off after 1:00am, my simple prayer my last thought, "Lord give me your heart, give me your heart, give me your heart..."  

God woke me just two hours later.  

It was an internal nudge, a check in my spirit, as only He can do, and He whispered, "Are you ready for my heart now?"

I blinked a few times and tried to wipe the sleep from my eyes and the verse from Philippians 2 immediately struck me, "You must have the attitude that Christ Jesus had," followed briefly with the image of Jesus on the cross.

...and I knew the Bridegroom had spoken.

I understood in that moment that my heart and attitude of "I'm done," was wrong.  

Jesus had the attitude of "It is finished..." and my attitude should be like that of Jesus.  Jesus determined when the work was finished and God claimed the sacrifice to be enough.  God had to determine when I was done.

The process of stripping away my attitude has not been easy...it's very much a two steps forward, three steps back dance with Jesus.  But thank the Lord that His grace is sufficient for me, and He will Tango with me until it is finished.  

My mountain top moment was ripe with emotion and significance, but in reality at some point I had to come off the mountain and truly walk in the day to day, scaling the mildest of hills in what God has called me to do.  

Nothing has changed with my circumstances...but everything has changed with my heart and my attitude.  My sticky thorn is still a bit prickly, but I can deal with that, since His strength is perfected in my weakness.  And trust me...I'm feeling weak...but it's okay.

It's walking in the soup, the mundane, the day to day that I'm learning more about truly relying on Christ to endure than I ever did in my mountain top moment.  My heart is softer too, more pliable and receptive to accept grace and dish it out in heaping spoonfuls.  And I'll wait now, until He says, "This leg of the journey is done."

And, to stay true to form, I can't help but close with a quote from my old friend G.K. Chesterton, “One sees great things from the valley, only small things from the peak.” 

Thanks for reading... H =)

Still the One...

You prayed.

God revealed.

You invited.

They attended.

What's next?...

In the weeks leading up to Easter we encouraged everyone to pray and invite ONE person to Easter services this year.

You responded and our Easter service and Egg Hunt attendance numbers were through the roof.  We had hundreds of new families who heard the good news of Jesus' sacrifice and His resurrection.

Now, our Easter events have concluded, and we aren't any less passionate about Jesus' mission, right?   

We are always striving to reach the world for Jesus one person at a time and to create biblical disciples in relational environments...Easter was just the catalyst to start a new intentional relationship.

In other words, we might've gotten our ONE to come to church, but that's just the first step, so what's next?

This week's blog posts focuses on five intentional things each of us can do to continue to reach out in love and continue to develop relationships.

1. Stay Connected 

Call, text, e-mail, Facebook, carrier pigeon...whatever it takes to keep up the relationship, it's worth the effort.  Find a way to engage and maybe have a cup of coffee and love them right where they're at.

2.  Pull a "JP" (that's code for "Jim Putman," since he's famous for this move)

Offer a hug or even one of those man handshake, half-hug, shoulder slap things, and ask them how they're doing.  If they happen to answer, "good," or "fine," you step in closer, look them in the eye and ask again, "no, how ya doing?".  Then stick around to hear their answer.

3.  Give Grace

I always say, "Grace is like gravy, you gotta pour it on thick."  Relationships involve people.  That means they are messy and crowded and complicated.  They involve feelings and history and perceptions and wounds... we all have a story.  But God has a bigger story, and we are all blessed to be a part of His great, big, glorious story.  We can love well, because He loved us first, right?

4.  Invite 

Continue to invite them to church with you.  Invite them to home group (if you don't have one, get one.  We can help.)  Talk about what you loved about last week's sermon, and ask if they need to process what they heard on Easter weekend.  A gentle, warm, welcome and open invitation into real, honest relationship is usually well received.

5.  Serve in Love

Maybe it's a meal, maybe it's help around the house, maybe it's an invite for dessert and game night - listen well and serve.  I've found there's great love to be found in a generous ear and gentle words.  Just love them like Jesus does.

What's the bottom line?
Love God and love others and you'll do great. =)

How to Bring out an Introvert? (Answer: Don't!)

Interesting read by my blogging buddy Kent Robert: 

How To Bring Out a Christian Introvert?  (Answer: Don’t!)

Not long ago I was involved in a church leadership meeting on how to effectively build up a home group (or a discipleship group) and make them more interesting and dynamic.  One of the points raised was how to “bring out” some of the more shy or reserved of the home group members; to get them more involved and more “bought in” to the discussion.  As a natural born introvert, that struck me a little sideways.  After all, I can easily see the introverted side of Jesus all through the gospels.  Sure, Jesus spent plenty of time amidst the crowds—healing the sick, ministering to the lost, rebuking the insolent.  Still, how often do we read that Jesus went “by himself to pray'? (Matthew 14:23, 26:39, Mark 6:46, and others)

So, I decided to ask around within the introvert community. (don’t bother looking for us—we know you’re looking.  Our location is secret.  We neither want to nor care to be found.  That’s why it’s secret.)  The following is the general consensus on trying to bring us out and involve us in the conversation.

Stop it!

Now, for the benefit of the agape-mouthed extroverts out there, I’ll expand a little bit.  Better yet, I’m going to let my friend and fellow introvert, J.S. Park from the blog site The Way Everlasting, expand for me:

“If you ever met me, you would think I was an extrovert — I preach, I lead praise, I talk to everyone, I talk too much, and you can hear me laughing from across the street — but I am a full-blooded introvert.

If it were up to me, I’d rather be in my boxers all day eating Godiva while browsing food photo blogs and bothering my dog and cracking up at YouTube videos of Whose Line Is It Anyway and leaving dry ironic comments all over Facebook while reading the latest theory on how Sherlock survived the second season finale. 

I intensely guard my personal space and my private life.  It takes a herculean effort to step outside my comfort zone and interact with messy, fleshy, real live human beings.  Here’s a little advice on how to handle us

1) In a small group or Bible study or cell meeting, do NOT make us talk.

Introverts are much more methodical and tend to process things.  In a group discussion, our silence doesn’t mean we’re not listening.  We’re just trying to fit the pieces together in our own head.  We aim to be thoughtful and deliberate.  Please be sensitive to our secret mind palace.  We’ll talk when we dang well feel like it.

2) Please do NOT bring a lot of attention to us.

Not in the church bulletin, not the church site, not for my birthdays, not for that nice thing I did for the homeless — just please, no spotlight.

3) Sometimes we’re just moody.  It’s not depression or a “spiritual attack” or “unconfessed sin.”

One word: space.  Three more words: Lots of it.  

4) Do not ever rebuke us in public.

Or you and I are done.  Forever. You should never do this anyway.

5) We don’t always know what to say, but we still care about you.

We use fewer words and we don’t always use them well, but if we chose to spend this time with you, that means we care.

6) Extroverts: be patient in conversation and don’t treat my every word like your personal victory.

Extroverts, it’s okay if you monopolize the conversation.  We do like to listen.  But please don’t treat us like your personal project with a precious pearl inside.  And don’t try to squeeze out my life story as if you’re trying to save us.  Earn trust by being a friend first.  Unlike extroverts, we’re not good at being best friends on the first day.

7) Fellow introverts: find us quickly.

See me standing awkwardly on the side of the sanctuary watching everyone else have fun?  Hurry up and find me so we can make amusing sarcastic comments about life and possibly grow a lifelong spiritual bond that these extroverts can’t understand.

8) We get super-tired around a lot of people.

My limit is about four hours, and then I actually get a headache from just hanging around human beings.  My Sabbath rest is leave-me-alone-time with my non-judgmental dog.  Give us that time without trying to counsel us about it.

9) When life gets hard, you don’t have to say anything.  Just be there.

Sometimes we just get totally flustered and want to give up: but that’s not the time for lectures or theology or super-awesome advice.  Bring a movie or something; bake a cake; bring cookies.  Be there for the meltdown and we’ll eventually ask for the wisdom.  We very much treasure your scalpel-like gentleness with us.

10) When we get hyper, we are weird and corny and loud and awkward — so be ready for that and embrace it.

On the third day of a church retreat or when it’s five in the morning at a lock-in, the inner-beast might be unleashed.  But it’s not very cool and calculated and witty like an extrovert.  It’s all kinds of nerdy and neurotic with a shaky voice and twitchy flailing, as if we’re learning to use our bodies for the first time: and in a sense, we are.

When that happens, please don’t humiliate us.  Roll with it, laugh with us, and endure our horrible dance moves and bad impressions. 

If you do, we are loyal to you for life.

If you Extroverts out there want to learn a little more about us, or for Introverts who want to learn more about themselves and their kin, there is an excellent book on the subject:  Introverts In The Church by Adam McHugh.

Lay it Down

While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen.  

And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed him. - Matthew 4:18-20

Those few lines of scripture, straight from the lips and heart of Jesus have been thoroughly impactful here at Real Life.  

We draw our definition of a disciple from the instruction of Jesus.  He says, “Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.”  We define a disciple in three ways, and it comes straight from this passage.

A disciple is one who is:

                - Following Jesus
                - Being changed by Jesus
                - On mission with Jesus

How did we know the disciples were on mission with Jesus?  Matthew 20 says, “at once they left their nets and followed him.” 

I love how Jesus doesn’t mess around – he gets right to the chase.  Lay down what is interfering in you following me.  Lay down your net. 

So, what does it look like today, to lay down your net and follow Jesus?  In a real life situation (pun intended).  

Well, I’m glad you asked, ‘cause I’ve got a story for you (didn’t see that coming, did ya?) =D

We've got a great couple in our home group.  The wife, June, is completely precious, with her long blonde hair and a sweet southern accent thick as molasses.  Her husband, Jimmy, is equally sweet, the football coach/teddybear-type, and they got connected to our home group because the kids connected on the playing field - and parents connected off the field.

They are great parents - very involved in the lives of their children.  But Jimmy's struggled with his involvement in his son's sports activities.

Jimmy has a soft spot for sports and feels a great connection with his son, so he's attended every game and every practice of every sport his son has ever played.  

That's a pretty serious commitment as his son is now 12.  

Jimmy has revealed the difficulty in releasing the engagement with his son in sports.  He wants his son to know how much he is loved and wants to be a part of his life.  Jimmy's commitment and coaching in sport is part of the way he shows his love.  But, Jimmy is also growing as a follower of Jesus in our home group, and practice schedules were beginning to conflict with home group time.

So, Jimmy had a choice to make and a net to drop.

Last week they came to group like normal.  Jimmy took a spot at the kitchen counter where the group had begun to congregate over the coffee fountain.  We were all chit-chatting, but Jimmy remained quiet.  

Finally, after a few minutes he piped up and said, "Well, I'm here."  

We all looked at him for a half second before he finished, "...and my son is at practice."

Then the room erupted in cheers.

The guys all congratulated him and Jimmy got a big hug from our host home mama, she leaned over close and said, "baby steps Jimmy, it's gonna be okay." Jimmy just gave her a shy smile. (more teddy bear than coach at that moment...)

It might seem like a small step for some, but for Jimmy it was a tough choice.  He was wrestling with making sure his son still understood how much he is loved and doing the right thing for himself, remaining committed to relationship and taking intentional steps to mature in Jesus.    

He had a moment to choose what he would lay down in order to follow the way Jesus was leading him, and he dropped the net.  He is following Jesus, being changed by Jesus and on mission with Jesus...sounds like a disciple to me.

It's an intriguing question I've been wrestling with this week...what net do I need to drop in order to follow Jesus?    

I challenge you to do the same and feel free to let us know, we love to hear how you're doing out there in bloggerland.

H =D

The Purpose of Patience...Bloggin' Ain't Easy.

Check out the picture.  

Does anyone else despise that little bar? Once that line is full, the download will be complete.  Until then, you wait, ever so patiently for the information to get to you.

That's how I have felt this past week...waiting for the download to be complete.

I gotta say it.  Bloggin' ain't easy.

I'm a communicator, it's what I do...and quite a bit of who I am and who God made be to be.  Writing is a passion for me and one of the many ways I write is through this blog.

But the past two weeks...bloggin' has been, well...near impossible.

I pray constantly.  I pray for the words I write, for the story God wants me to tell, for Him to work and move and shape and form the right pieces and parts of my day to day life.  I desire for all I do to glorify God.  If I don't, I'm not using the gifts, abilities and passion He gave me for the right purpose.

That said, I've been in prayer putting together a blog posting.  

Has God been at work?  Yes.

Can I write any of it down?  No.

Has life been difficult?  Yes.

Have I struggled in relationships?  Yes.

Am I learning lessons as a wife, mom, home group leader, women's leader?  Yes.

Is God stretching me?  Yes.

Can I write any of it down?  NO!

Why not?  

There is simply too much.  

Too much depth, too much reality, too much mess, too much heart, too much life, too much Jesus and way too much of the Holy Spirit to toss it down in a blog post...in short, I'm still downloading.

Normally, I can strain it.  Filter through what I'm observing and processing in life sorting through the excess water and mud and sand to get to the valuable golden nugget.  Apparently I'm also as much miner as I am writer.  But, this week was a bloggin' no-go.

So, finally at the end of a pile of creative attempts to capture how God was at work I had to be honest and say, "I don't know what God is doing...but I'm going to rejoice and be confident in the fact that he's doing something."

That's when I came upon this verse:

"Rejoice in our confident hope.  Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying."
                                              - Romans 12:12 (NLT)

When we are in relationship with other believers, in the thick of real life drama and love and patience and complications and children and marriages and broken hearts...life is a wonderful messy disaster.  And it's okay for it to be that way. 

Because God is smack in the middle of it all with us, found in the moments that are both sweet and bitter.

So, that's where Jesus is working within me this week.  He is in the pile of rejected posts and in this one too, where I'll reluctantly hit "publish" praying He is glorified.  These are the times I wish I could paint words by numbers, just trying to plug them into the right space and order.  

But that isn't what God would have for me this week.  Instead he has me wait in my frustration, filling me with patience and understanding and confident in the hope He'll have something for me soon.  And I'll keep on praying, waiting for that download to complete and the miner in me to get my nugget.  

Yeah...bloggin' ain't easy.

H =)

P.S.  I'd love to hear how Jesus is working in you, through you, around you...or all of the above. 

Here am I... Send Me.

"Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?

Then said I, Here am I; send me."

- Isaiah 6:8

I've been reading Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest," this week.

I am in love with his tenor and tone.  The cadence to which he writes and how he describes a life worth living in Christ is refreshing.  

While it's no substitute for God's word, Chambers does have a gentle way of challenging me in scripture, in how I live my life as a follower of Jesus.  There was one day this week I felt compelled to share with you, something I noticed in what Chambers wrote and what I see happening here at Real Life Ministries.

In the brief devotional on January 14, Chambers started with the above passage out of Isaiah and went on to write this:

"God did not address the call to Isaiah; Isaiah overheard God saying, "Who will go for us?"  The call of God is not for the special few, it is for everyone.  Whether or not I hear God's call depends upon the state of my ears; and what I hear depends upon my disposition."

I think we have something special here in North Idaho.  There's a movement in the air here, a general disposition to listen to God and serve, and a sense of honor to be considered in God's mighty plan to make a difference in His kingdom.  

There are hundreds of small groups that meet in homes all over our area.  Homes filled with people like you and me, simply trying to put food on the table, honor our marriages and raise children to love and obey God.  

What I see every week is the outpouring of people, of real folks who dare to believe that the world can really be won for Jesus.  

And they're doing it.

Entire communities rally to shovel snow, deliver meals, raise money for adoptions, care for the sick and hold a hand in grief.  I watch people empower children to be ministers and serve as the hands and feet of Jesus.  The stories overwhelm me.  Folks who wrestle with God, extend grace, repent of wrong, walk in mercy and expect miracles.  

It's a powerful experience, how in the simplest acts of love for one another we see God move.  

Chambers closes his thoughts for January 14 with this:

"When our Lord called His disciples there was no irresistible compulsion from outside.  The quiet passionate insistence of His "Follow Me" was spoken to men with every power wide awake.  If we let the Spirit of God bring us face-to-face with God, we too shall hear something akin to what Isaiah heard, the still small voice of God; and in perfect freedom will say, "Here am I; send me."

I pray that our call to follow Jesus never grows still and the church never ceases to amaze me.  That we continue to believe Jesus is at work.  I pray we love each other well and fight for relationship, because the love of Jesus is within us and we are a light to be seen and a force to be reckoned with.

It's an honor to bring glory to God in this place, in this church.  Serving with "doers of the word," to be a people who go to lengths the world would never understand to feed, clothe, care, and love on individuals listening for God's sweet call, asking, "whom shall I send, and who will go for us?"  

Dedicated followers are all around, people who call back to God and trust He will work ...and they whisper, "here am I....send me."

Life Happens Here...

I'm stretching my blogging legs this morning.  I'm pretty sure it won't be a marathon today, more of a little blog jog around the block, but you never know what can happen once I get going.  

My reflections are simple today.  Last night was our first home group following Christmas/New Year break.  

While we haven't met formerly for "home group" we've definitely been in contact over the past few weeks.  God's timing knows no bounds, or breaks sometimes, He gives us rest when it's needed, but life doesn't always play out the way I think it should.

During our "break" one of our home group members lost his dad.   And as God gives and takes, we also welcomed the birth of a baby girl into group, and one of the children decided to be baptized.

I bring this all forward because as much as I want life to be predictable and manageable, convenient and comfortable...in reality it isn't.

As we endured life together as a group, planning funerals, delivering meals, sharing tears, rejoicing in triumphs, and celebrating life I've found joy in the chaos of the last few weeks. 

Today as I reflect and write I'm humbled by the ability of these amazing people to share their lives with us willingly.  I'm honored to love and be loved, to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.

Last night when we gathered together, with giggling children and piles of snow boots and one happy 11 week old puppy... we laughed.  

We gathered only for the sake of getting together and discussing the next curriculum.  But, we told stories of pulling each other out of snowy ditches, and the crazy extremes we've gone to help meet one another in the middle of a need or a crisis.  There was a lot of statements that began with, "do you remember that one time...?" and the laughter followed.

At the end of our evening of gathering as a family, kids filed into the kitchen, to pet the puppy and be first in line for homemade brownies.  Watching all of it, a line of scripture from the book of James kept filtering through my mind, like the ticker flashing though scores on ESPN, it read: "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.  For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror.  For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like."

For me, being a "doer" of the word means growth and maturity in loving God and loving others.  

God is doing His part pruning and trimming me.  But my growth is measured by my fruit.  If fruit is measured by the love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, kindness, faithfulness and self control of the Holy Spirit dwelling inside me... I can't be challenged to grow without any of these people.  

Without people in my life enduring difficult, beautiful and merciful circumstances, there is no place for fruit to bloom.  

I have found real relationships are formed among the fruit of the spirit.  How blessed we are, how blessed I am, to live life with these people.  

We come heartbroken and grieving, real and raw, joyous and motivated, desiring prayer and connection; our lives are messy and complicated, but considering the alternative, a life without these people would feel unfulfilled.   

If I'm to be a "doer" of the word, my life includes people.  I'm grateful for each and every one of them...and I am honored by my Heavenly Father, who shares relationships so generously and allows life to happen here.